It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like...

I'm just one of those genetically obese people.  I will have to work my ass off to be slim and fit.

It had been 222 days since everyone last played the Wii Fit.  I gained 16 pounds.  What the fuck.  I mean, what the fuck am I doing?  I know I was getting larger; clothes I was excited to wear again were getting too tight.  It's my binge eating.  I ate too much candy around Halloween.  I ate whole boxes of crackers or cookies.  I ate enough for 2 or 3 meals in one setting.  What can I do to stop?

Why am I not naturally petite and slim?  I am sorry to those who may be offended, but how is being too skinny the same?  It's fucking easy to gain weight - eat more!  How is that as difficult and painful as exercising and starving yourself?  Yes, starving!  I've tried eating less than 1500 calories per day, and I will get hypoglycemic, headache, crabby, nauseous, shaky, unfocused and faint.  How can I exercise and survive on a low calorie diet?  How can I burn more than I consume when I have to work 10-hour days and raise a family?  Where are my answers?

So obviously I'm feeling negative and in a rut.  It has been 32 days since I joined the gym, and have worked out a minimum of 45 minutes 15 times.  Also, because of my workouts, I have had less time to overeat and/or sit on my ass.  I have been more conscious if I do eat out; choosing grilled chicken over processed beef, vegetables over potatoes, small portions instead of large.  Have I lost weight since I joined the gym?  That's a big fat no.  It can't be the stupid muscle mass thing because I'm not lifting weights that much.

That being said, I am still tobacco free!  Woo hoo.

Back on the Bandwagon

Monday, November 18th

So I bought a pack of cigarettes Labor Day weekend after spending the weekend at my Dad's with my two-year-old.  A 3.5 hour drive one way, plus we went to Duluth one day.  I was pretty stressed out by Sunday afternoon.  My fall off the bandwagon continued until mid-October.  I am now going on 3 weeks (I think; I am trying to remember the day of my last smoke, I didn't mark it down any where).  Of course, it feels like more than a month, but I spent this past weekend at my Dad's again, but I did NOT end up smoking!  There were even 2 smokers also visiting my Dad, and I did not get a craving.  I saw a pack of cigarettes and smelled it, and did not want it.  Yay!!!!

I also joined a gym 10/22/13.  So almost being a month, and making it there multiple times per week, I thought I would step on the scale today.  Nada.  Nothing lost.  Sad face.  But, I am positive!  I am not smoking.  I am not sleeping all day.  I am exercising.  I ate well today!  I just finished chicken and mixed vegetables for supper.  I can do this!!!!  Hmmmm....have I posted my weight on here before?  Well, I will now.  109kg.  My goal?  66kg.  The difference? About 95 pounds.  My gym has 2 pictures of 2 men who are in the "Century Club"  for losing over 100 pounds.  I kind of what to be the first woman in this club.  Not sure I could be that light-weight, especially since I enjoy having some muscle.  

That's where I am at.  Not smoking, working out.  TRYING to eat clean.  Trying.  :)  Hey, other people survive on healthy food, why can't I?  Actually, that brings me to a topic I have been thinking about lately.

So there is an obesity problem in the United States, and I have a theory to why.  Cheap food is horrible for you!  The food poor people can afford is junk!  Organic costs more.  Eating fresh costs more.  What a stupid system.  End rant.

Time to spend time with my little girl.