That's all I got. So I finally weighed myself. Now I'm really depressed and disgusted. I weigh 108kg. No one should weigh 108kg. Dammit. I wish I could control my eating. And not feel sick or crappy.
However, it has been 16 days without a cigarette!
Monday, July 29, 2013
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Day 12: Chicken Cordon Blue
Today is Thursday, July 25th. My last cigarette was on Saturday, July 13th at 5:15pm. Whew! Been thinking about smoking every day, which sucks, I thought by now it would be out of my mind. Actually, I wish it could be out of my mind but I know that I could spend every day for the rest of my life thinking about smoking. So, WOO HOO! I haven't worked since last Wednesday (took a much needed stay-cation to clean/purge my storage room & basement). Back to work tomorrow and Saturday. I can do it. I can do it. I think I can.
Exercise, eating healthy. Not really much of a winner in those categories in the last 12 days. During my purging of material things, I went through 3 suitcases full of clothes I have been hanging on to since college. A few items were actually from highschool! Well, I donated most of it. I did keep my blue Express pants and blue sweater, size 8 & Medium respectively. This outfit was part of my most memorable, favorite Halloween costume: Chicken Cordon Blue. I wore all blue with a rubber chicken tied to a bungee cord around my waist as a belt. That is the kind of person I am. Hopefully I can relive my glory days on a Halloween in the near future!
Now I realistically know Halloween 2013 is not an option. Unless I was kidnapped and forced into a boot camp weight loss liposuction starvation clinic. Do those exist??? Could I voluntarily enlist for an 8 week program? So craziness aside, let us think positively. Tomorrow I work 8 to 6pm. I can have a whole grain waffle for breakfast, a yogurt mid-morning at work, a frozen meal for lunch, and whatever my husband makes for supper. Drink water all day long. If needed, consume a handful of almonds and fresh fruit in the afternoon. Maybe fit in a 20 minute high intensity interval training (HIIT) workout after work. If only I could do this for 90 days in a row...I think I would start doing it out of routine. Add in my tobacco sobriety, and I'm bound to be a sexy mama with long,wavy blonde hair in no time!
Bah Humbug.
Thus ends day 12. Day 13 will hopefully be Day 1 for turning my health around. Hey, if I ever fit back into my blue outfit AND look good wearing it, I'll post a picture!
Sue, too negative to weigh.
Exercise, eating healthy. Not really much of a winner in those categories in the last 12 days. During my purging of material things, I went through 3 suitcases full of clothes I have been hanging on to since college. A few items were actually from highschool! Well, I donated most of it. I did keep my blue Express pants and blue sweater, size 8 & Medium respectively. This outfit was part of my most memorable, favorite Halloween costume: Chicken Cordon Blue. I wore all blue with a rubber chicken tied to a bungee cord around my waist as a belt. That is the kind of person I am. Hopefully I can relive my glory days on a Halloween in the near future!
Now I realistically know Halloween 2013 is not an option. Unless I was kidnapped and forced into a boot camp weight loss liposuction starvation clinic. Do those exist??? Could I voluntarily enlist for an 8 week program? So craziness aside, let us think positively. Tomorrow I work 8 to 6pm. I can have a whole grain waffle for breakfast, a yogurt mid-morning at work, a frozen meal for lunch, and whatever my husband makes for supper. Drink water all day long. If needed, consume a handful of almonds and fresh fruit in the afternoon. Maybe fit in a 20 minute high intensity interval training (HIIT) workout after work. If only I could do this for 90 days in a row...I think I would start doing it out of routine. Add in my tobacco sobriety, and I'm bound to be a sexy mama with long,wavy blonde hair in no time!
Bah Humbug.
Thus ends day 12. Day 13 will hopefully be Day 1 for turning my health around. Hey, if I ever fit back into my blue outfit AND look good wearing it, I'll post a picture!
Sue, too negative to weigh.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Saturday night
Walked/jogged 2+ miles and lifted weights the last 2 days! Even ate pretty healthy today. Whole grain blueberry waffle for breakfast, 1 cup of International Delight iced light mocha, Subway club for lunch, yogurt, Brussels sprouts & 1/2 cup cheesy rice for supper. Now having some homegrown popcorn for a snack.
I bought a pack of cigarettes 6 days ago. I smoked the last one tonight. I bought the cheapest they had; my husband says they probably give you cancer faster. So here is to being smoke-free again! It's been 3 hours.
I haven't stepped on the scale since I started blogging again for 2 reasons. I know I don't weigh any less than the number I have in my head. I also feel like a morbidly obese person. Why the hell would I step on the scale?
Why couldn't I have been genetically slender? Why do I eat and eat? Why do I enjoy eating chocolate and sweets so much? Why don't I get physically ill if I eat too much (so then I would be hindered from binge eating)? Why can't I just be a long-endurance runner? Why doesn't my body have super awesome fast metabolism? Why do I have cellulite and varicose veins?
I'm sure there are some relevant and true answers to these questions. But I just felt a little whyny.
Alright. Back to life.
I bought a pack of cigarettes 6 days ago. I smoked the last one tonight. I bought the cheapest they had; my husband says they probably give you cancer faster. So here is to being smoke-free again! It's been 3 hours.
I haven't stepped on the scale since I started blogging again for 2 reasons. I know I don't weigh any less than the number I have in my head. I also feel like a morbidly obese person. Why the hell would I step on the scale?
Why couldn't I have been genetically slender? Why do I eat and eat? Why do I enjoy eating chocolate and sweets so much? Why don't I get physically ill if I eat too much (so then I would be hindered from binge eating)? Why can't I just be a long-endurance runner? Why doesn't my body have super awesome fast metabolism? Why do I have cellulite and varicose veins?
I'm sure there are some relevant and true answers to these questions. But I just felt a little whyny.
Alright. Back to life.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
I Found my Blog!
So, it has been 2 years! But holy moly, I am back. With the same issues. My baby girl is now 2 years old, I am still fat and trying to quit smoking.
It has been 48 hours since my last cigarette. I was smoking approximately 2 packs/week, sometimes a pack every 3 days. My triggers are everything. Driving long distances, working, doing chores, dealing with crabby kids, waking up in the morning. I try to hide my habit from everyone; except my husband and a couple of friends/coworkers. I am ASHAMED I smoke for the most part. I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma 8 years ago (unrelated to smoking) and have smoked on and off since I was 13. Quit countless times, always smoking socially while drinking alcohol. So being a cancer survivor and a healthcare professional, yes, I am ashamed of myself. But I find myself confused - I want to quit, but I still want a cigarette. I don't want to smell like smoke, but I still want that 7 minute break.
I'm fat. It's true! I'm 5'8" at 230 equals a BMI of 35. Holy shit. I'm obese. I think I have always been overweight, actually, I remember thinking to myself that I would never let myself get over 200 pounds. But I've been there for at least 4 years. I have failed myself. Although, looking at my posts 2 years ago, I have lost 12 pounds! I know I was down to 220 not too long ago, but now this last 3 months I've really been a piece of shit. Binge eating, being lazy, eating fast food, not eating vegetables. I have cut down on diet pop; stopped buying it for home and work. I was drinking a 20oz bottle of diet Dew a day, plus a couple cans of diet cola. Now I opt for my water bottle; refilling it 2 or 3 times day while at work, plus once or twice at home in the evening. I haven't stepped on the scale in a couple weeks, but I know I haven't been eating well or exercising so what's the point??
Well, that is about it. I'm going to come back here for my support. To quit smoking. Maybe opine on a few peeves now and then. Report on my ability to exercise or if I feel better. Adios!
Probably 235.
It has been 48 hours since my last cigarette. I was smoking approximately 2 packs/week, sometimes a pack every 3 days. My triggers are everything. Driving long distances, working, doing chores, dealing with crabby kids, waking up in the morning. I try to hide my habit from everyone; except my husband and a couple of friends/coworkers. I am ASHAMED I smoke for the most part. I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma 8 years ago (unrelated to smoking) and have smoked on and off since I was 13. Quit countless times, always smoking socially while drinking alcohol. So being a cancer survivor and a healthcare professional, yes, I am ashamed of myself. But I find myself confused - I want to quit, but I still want a cigarette. I don't want to smell like smoke, but I still want that 7 minute break.
I'm fat. It's true! I'm 5'8" at 230 equals a BMI of 35. Holy shit. I'm obese. I think I have always been overweight, actually, I remember thinking to myself that I would never let myself get over 200 pounds. But I've been there for at least 4 years. I have failed myself. Although, looking at my posts 2 years ago, I have lost 12 pounds! I know I was down to 220 not too long ago, but now this last 3 months I've really been a piece of shit. Binge eating, being lazy, eating fast food, not eating vegetables. I have cut down on diet pop; stopped buying it for home and work. I was drinking a 20oz bottle of diet Dew a day, plus a couple cans of diet cola. Now I opt for my water bottle; refilling it 2 or 3 times day while at work, plus once or twice at home in the evening. I haven't stepped on the scale in a couple weeks, but I know I haven't been eating well or exercising so what's the point??
Well, that is about it. I'm going to come back here for my support. To quit smoking. Maybe opine on a few peeves now and then. Report on my ability to exercise or if I feel better. Adios!
Probably 235.
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